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Grieving and Mourning: What’s the Difference?
For most of my life I have used the words “grief” and “mourning” as if they are interchangeable. It wasn’t until my spouse passed away, after I’d read some books and some necessary poetry, that I came to know that each of these words has its own strength. Grief is that feeling that brings you to a place of sitting on your floor in a corner, sobbing, snotty-nosed as a child. Anguish is a word I associate with grief. It is ugly, raw, and personal.
Mourning is the outward face of grief, and can be associated with public. Mourning is the part of us that seeks out the “what are we supposed to do” with the funeral director, when he guides you to line up with your family before you enter the church sanctuary once guests are seated. It is the part of you that decides to plant a particular tree in memory of a loved one. Or to take part in, or to create, some piece of ritual. On the anniversary of my spouse’s passing, my middle son makes a video montage of all the foursome photos he has taken post golf games over his past year…just as his father did every Christmas. Maintaining this tradition to mark his father’s passing will be a significant piece of mourning for the years to come.
Mourning is you dealing with the death of a robin in burying it with your child, choosing to wrap the bird’s red breast and wings in Grandpa’s handkerchief, and marking…